I'm going to make a movie...

No, really.

I mean, I've seen a lot of movies. I know plot, story, ehixibition. I can act, and I'm sure I could direct.

This is how I'm going to do it. I'm going to pick one of the most beloved of classics, by some author of great renown. I'm going to market it as 'true to the original story.' Then, I'm going to make some very controversial cast choices.

People will argue for months about how wrong everyone is for their character. The momentum will build. There will be a rumor of a tryst between the leading lady and the leading man....

22 weeks of grueling shooting, under adverse conditions, and voila, perfection.

Of course, after about 10 minutes of perfect depiction of the origial story, I'm going to veer from the 'true' story just a bit. By this, I mean that I'm going to just start making stuff up, moving stuff around, and taking lines from one character and giving it to another.

I'll add on entire chapters making stuff up from whole cloth, all the while skipping a magnitude of good writing, humor, and insight on the part of the author.

People that have read the story will hate it. People who haven't will love it. Controversy will reign supreme.

And me?

Funny you should ask. I'm going to stand back and RAKE in the money. With the proceeds, I'm going to buy a small island and set up my own government. If you'd like to become a citizen, please send your application to scour@juno.com