There are a lot of topics I need to cover in this post.
First, and foremost, I guess I should say I was very disappointed that the Giants won the Superbowl.
I could go on (ad naseum) about why, but I've decided to just accept it.
Secondly, I have to ask you a serious question about Bar-b-que.
How addicted are you to it? Have you ever barbequed in the snow?
It's tough to see in this pic, but there's actually smoke sneaking out of that Weber. It looked something like this:
on the inside.
Just so you know, those ribs were fucking fantastic!!
Also, just so you know, my Rush ticket arrived yesterday. I'm so fucking stoked.
My tattoo: I'm not sure why, but I think it's almost healed already.
I know, right?
I'm in the 'wash it 3 times a day and apply ointment' phase of the deal, and I seriously can't feel any scabbing or dry skin, or anything like that.
On an entirely unrelated note, as I was watching the game, I was thinking about dirty words.
You know, the kinds of things you call a person when you're pissed at them.
When you want to demean them.
Reduce them.
Some years ago, with no particular inspiration, I came up with a phrase that actually makes me feel dirty after I say it.
I may have mentioned it before, but in case I haven't, it's 'cunt butter.'
Yeah, go ahead and read it again. It's that bad.
Well, tonight, as I was watching Tom Brady piss away about 12 NFL/Superbowl records, I was thinking about name calling. Of course, I thought about the above phrase. Then, again, with no particular effort on my part, another phrase impinged upon my consciousness: 'twat mucus.'
Yeah, I know. I'm disgusted with myself. I explained the above (well the name calling part) do Dave and Herm..(have i mentioned that hes visiting again).. at that point, we came up with the idea to find the dirtiest thing to call someone.
I won't go into all of the things we came up with, but I think Herm had the winner. His phrase 'taint waste' really struck a note with me. In my head, I saw the sketch humor skit.
Work with me here:
"Look here, taint waste...."
"What did you call me?
"I called you taint waste."
"Taint waste? What the hell does that mean?"
"Well, you know the stuff that builds up between your asshole and your ball sack? Well, that's taint waste. And that stuff? That stuff's you!!"
I know.
That's nasty. Really nasty.
But you have to admit, it's funny too.
Ok, cast your vote. Of the 3 above phrases, which do you find most offensive? Let me know.
Buenos con queso,
T.
4 comments:
Hey Blog Fans, This is Herman, also present and contributing vulgarian to the above conversation,.....My take on displaying our filth follows:
"Imagine if you will, Five suburban couples, of various marital states, together at someone's home for a Super Bowl party. Even though the game is intense, the females don't know these teams, and as a result, aren't as 'into it', as they would be with their home team in play.
The food is done,...everyone is full, jaded, and very laid-back.
Some wit says. "hey Y'all, lets think of the dirtiest names we can come up with to call our mates !
Everybody thinks this sounds like a great idea. Jackie says to Diane, "Your new name is, is Cunt Butter, So she says, 'Well that's O.K. Crotch Cheese !.
Then, Bill says to Sally,"Come over here my little Yeast Curd "!
People are losing it, but getting excited to have their turn, when John says to Alexas," I Love You,...Twat mucus ".
Again, folks are falling about the place, hysterically trying to top[ the previous entries.
Next up is Jill, who enters ," Yo, Adrian, suck my snatch Salsa"!.
Another round of jaded laughter, then Shane says," Patty Pussy Paste, Come on Down".
The party really breaks up, when The host says,..." Alright, all you sourdough cunts, and Crusty-Croutched dudes get out of here"!, and all head home, to start making amends for their hysterical nick-naming. !!!
*can do absolutely nothing but laugh at your new phrases*
I dunno, "cunt butter" and "twat mucus" really had me rolling. "Taint waste" was quite amusing, too, however, I think it's a pretty strong tie between the first two.
*snorts*
Ahhh, I'm glad I came by. And to think, I was just going to leave a measly little "Hi."
*humps you in mid-snort*
I love snorting humps.....
T.
Those are gross, but I had a friend who almost made me puke everytime he said "pussy booger".
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