Friday, January 25, 2008

It was either that, or throw it away.....

Do any of you remember the movie Gigli?

I not only remember the movie, I remember that not one single person that I ever heard had anything good to say about the movie.

It was a stinker.

A worthless, steaming pile of cow dung, figuratively speaking.

I neither had, nor did I ever anticipate, a desire to see the movie. I mean Affleck's ok, but I think Jho is mostly a bad joke.

Don't get me wrong, I mean I'll give her her propers. She was great in Money Train, and I absoutely loved her in Monster In Law.

Well, the other day at work, T was cleaing off her desk. One of the things she was going to just throw away was a copy of Gigli on DVD. Now, I may have in the past said that 'the only thing that would ever make me watch that movie was if someone was just going to throw away a copy', and I may not have, but I'll bet I said something similar.

So, there you have it. Karma's got a sense of humor.

I decided not only to watch it, but to actually try to find something good to say about it, you know give it a chance. I'll tell you this early: it was not easy. This movie is bad.

Really bad.

It was clumsy, poorly scripted, badly acted. I don't think there were even any scenes I found overly visually interesting. In fact, I think I actually heard my DVD player throw up.

Oh, and what's with the retard?

It may not be politically correct to call him that, but that's what he is. Hell, there was a time when 'retarded' was what we called them. It's not a bad word or anything, it was just a description of their condition.

In any event, one of the main characters, played by Justin Bartha, whom you may recognize from the National Treasure movies is a 'special needs' child. I'm not really sure what he's supposed to be afflicted with, but I'm guessing some sort of dissociative disorder, and at least a mild case of Tourette's Syndrome.

I did find 3 scenes that were worthy of a mention though.

One is when Jho is describing 'the rip that takes the past.' This is highest of the 5 levels of digital orb extrusion (the gouging out of your opponents eyeball with one finger) in some esoteric martial art, Tae Muy Chi(which I may or may not have spelled correctly).

Or so she tells us.

Her vivid description of this devastating move is delivered in a throaty, almost flirting voice. She's right up in this guy's face, miming the moves, nearly whispering about the thumb liquefying the eyeball, hooking the index finger into the socket and pulling a portion of the brain out, and you can hear love in her voice.

Not for the guy, no, but for the move; and she absolutely sells it.

The other 2 scenes involve people I didn't even know were in the movie.

Al Pacino, and Christopher Walken.

I know, right?

I'm not going to go into all the details of those two scenes, but I will say that both of them are almost worth watching the movie for.

Almost.

The rest of the movie made me want to wretch.

Oh, and in case you haven't seen it, and want to know why they named it Gigli, in the movie, that's Ben's last name.

Buenos con queso,

T.

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