Crap, here we go again.

I don't know if I mentionied this earlier, but I couldn't sleep for shit last night. When I nioticed what time it was, it was 1:00 am. I freaked, shut down, and tried to sleep. Laid there for at least an hour, trying to slip under. It was a no go, of course. I just noticed that it's almost midnight local, and, again, I'm really not all that tired.

Is that a bad thing? I wonder. I mean, it kinda came back at the reunion. I was sitting at the drinking table at 4:30 in the morning, still playing the game. Hell, I can't remember the last time I came home from a night out at sunrise. I mean, it's only been a few years, but how many? I have no idea.

I don't know. It's like this. I really don't feel mentally any differently than I did when I was 18. The worst part is, if I didn't have to worry about working every day, the physical parts, I think I could overcome. It's a little scary. I'm facing 40. Not this year, mind. 2006, though? Yeah. That's 40 for me.

So, as I sit here and watch the Olympics (women's team gynastics) I find myself wide awake. I hate this. It's such a delicate balance for me. If I go to bed at a reasonable hour...i.e. 9:00 p.m. or so, I wake up at like 3:30 or 4 a.m., and toss and turn, trying to recapture the Fields of Elysium. If, however, I try to outsmart my Circadian rythmys, and stay up, what am I treated with?

My alarm shrills at me, screaming that I'm worthless. Well, it doesn't actually, it just feels like that 'cause 'is'early. It's all I can do to drag my carcass out of bed. The shower? That relic, it's miles from here. Staggering about, I have 2 choices. Reset the alarm, and grab another hour's sleep, but risk up to a 20 min late arrivial at work, or gut it out, and take a shower.

The early a.m. posts? The days I actually drag my ass out of the rack in time to make my day. But guess what? That last beer I drank made me sleepy. About time too....I should get some good R.E.M.


Later,

T.

P.S. Not gonna edit, tho it kills me.....Wired, tired, and grinning like a fool.